Have you ever known that something needed to change, but not really known where to start?

That’s where I found myself recently.

I knew my website needed to change. My counselling practice had grown and changed over the years, and the website that had once felt right for me no longer felt like it reflected who I am, how I work or what I wanted it to say to the people who found it.

I knew I needed to do something about it.

I just didn’t know where to begin.

And perhaps you can relate to that feeling.

Maybe there’s something in your life that you know needs to change, but you’re not quite sure what the first step should be. You might know that something doesn’t feel right anymore, without being able to put your finger on exactly what it is.

Sometimes knowing we need to do something and actually doing something about it are two very different things.

The hardest part can be starting

I had known for some time that I needed to do something with my website. But, like many of us do, I found reasons to put it off.

I’ll do it when I have more time.

I’ll do it when things are less busy.

I’ll do it when I feel more ready.

Perhaps you’ve found yourself doing something similar.

Maybe you’ve thought about talking to someone, making a change, setting a boundary or dealing with something that has been bothering you for a while. But somehow, there is always another reason to wait.

Sometimes the first step feels bigger than it actually is because we don’t know what will happen once we take it.

Asking for help can feel vulnerable

Eventually, I reached out to my website designer.

She has been part of my life for more than 20 years and knows me well, so you might think that would make it easy. But even then, I felt quite vulnerable.

I had to try to explain what I wanted the new website to look like, how I wanted it to feel and, most importantly, what I wanted it to do for the people who found their way there.

I had to find words for things that didn’t always come naturally to me. Sometimes I knew what I meant in my head but struggled to explain it clearly.

And there was that little voice asking:

What if I get it wrong?

What if I can’t explain what I mean?

What if I’m judged?

Perhaps you can relate to that feeling.

Maybe you’ve struggled to put something into words, worried that you won’t explain yourself properly or that someone might judge you for getting it wrong.

Maybe that’s how you’re feeling as you start thinking about therapy too.

You don’t have to know exactly what you need

Creating the website became a process of breaking things down.

I listened to podcasts. I looked at other counsellors’ websites. I noticed what connected with me and what didn’t. I asked questions. I asked for help with words and ideas. I tried things and changed my mind.

And gradually, something that had felt quite overwhelming became more manageable.

Interestingly, my website designer felt a little like a therapist throughout the process. Not because she is my therapist, but because of the way she helped me work through what I wanted.

She helped me decide what I wanted to keep, what needed changing and what I was ready to let go of completely.

She also encouraged me to try things without making me feel that I had to get them right first time.

If something didn’t work, it wasn’t a failure.

It was simply:

“Let’s look at doing it another way.”

I think there is something important in that.

Sometimes we believe we need to know exactly what we want before we begin. But perhaps we discover what we want by beginning.

And counselling can be like that too.

So, what is it like starting counselling?

If you’ve ever searched for a counsellor, you might know how overwhelming it can feel.

You start scrolling through counselling directories, looking at photographs, reading profiles and wondering who you might connect with.

Then you come across all the different words and approaches:

Person-centred. CBT. Integrative. Solution-focused. Trauma-informed…

What does it all mean?

And how are you supposed to know which approach is right for you when you’re not even sure where to start?

You might be thinking:

Will I feel comfortable talking to them?

Will they understand me?

What if I choose the wrong counsellor?

What am I even supposed to say when I contact them?

And perhaps underneath all of that are some other worries.

What if my problems aren’t bad enough?

What if I cry?

What if I don’t know what to say?

What if I can’t explain what’s wrong?

If any of those thoughts sound familiar, you are certainly not alone.

There is no right way to be a client

One of the things I want people who find my website to know is that you don’t need to have everything worked out before you contact me.

You don’t need to know which type of counselling you need.

You don’t need to have the right terminology.

You don’t need to arrive with your thoughts neatly organised.

And you certainly don’t need to know exactly what you want to change.

You might simply know that something doesn’t feel right.

You might be struggling and not really understand why.

Or you might have been carrying something for a long time and have reached the point where you don’t want to carry it on your own anymore.

You can simply say:

“I’m not really sure where to start.”

That’s okay.

If you were sitting with me and telling me that you felt overwhelmed, unsure where to begin, or didn’t even know what you needed, I wouldn’t expect you to arrive with all the answers.

We could start exactly where you are.

We could gently explore what has been going on, what feels difficult at the moment and what you would like to be different.

You don’t have to have the answers before you begin.

The relief of finally doing something

There is also something quite powerful that happens when you finally take that first step.

For me, there was a sense of relief when I finally reached out and got started with the website. The problem hadn’t disappeared, and I certainly didn’t suddenly have all the answers, but I wasn’t carrying it around in my head in quite the same way anymore.

Something had changed.

I had moved from thinking, “I need to do something about this,” to actually doing something about it.

I wonder if this is something you might recognise if you’ve been thinking about counselling.

You may have spent weeks, months or even years thinking, “I need to talk to someone,” while finding reasons to put it off.

Perhaps you’ve looked through counselling directories, saved a few profiles, closed the page and told yourself you’ll come back to it another day.

Then perhaps one day you send the message.

You make the phone call.

You arrange that first appointment.

Nothing outside of you may have changed yet, but something has changed.

You’ve taken action.

You have taken something that has been going round and round in your head and brought it into a safe space where you don’t have to carry it completely on your own.

The circumstances might not change overnight. You may still feel anxious, overwhelmed or unsure about what comes next.

But you’ve started.

And sometimes, just taking that first step can bring a little relief.

You don’t have to know where to start

Creating this new website has reminded me that change doesn’t always begin with a clear plan.

Sometimes it begins with simply recognising:

“This isn’t working for me anymore.”

From there, you can start exploring.

You can ask questions.

You can try something.

You can change your mind.

You can let go of things that no longer serve you.

And none of that means you’ve failed.

Maybe you’ve been thinking about counselling for a while.

Maybe you’ve been putting it off.

Maybe you’ve looked through profiles and still aren’t sure who to contact.

Maybe you’ve written a message and deleted it.

Or maybe you’re here because something in you is saying, “I think I need some help, but I don’t really know where to start.”

You don’t have to have it all worked out.

You don’t need the right words.

If you’re thinking about counselling

If any of this feels familiar, you’re welcome to get in touch.

You don’t need to know exactly what to say or have everything worked out before you contact me. You can simply tell me a little about what’s brought you here, or even just say, “I’m not really sure where to start.”

We can take it from there.

Sometimes the hardest part is simply taking that first step.

If you’d like to find out more about counselling with me, you can get in touch here.